I’ve been working on my next blog post for weeks now, and it
just wasn’t coming together – too circuitous and detailed and confusing. My
goal is clear enough – I want to share all the God Things that have happened
since my health turned, they are vast and so perfect. But each attempt was
fraught with problems. Finally, with prayer, God showed me I really need to
tell more about my relationship with Him, first; then the details of the past
year and a half will make more sense.
I asked Jesus into my heart when I was about 11 years old,
but retained control over my own decisions until I was in my mid-twenties. See,
I thought a good Christian used the gifts that God gave her to take control of
the details and make good choices, so as not to bother Him with minor stuff. My
job was to make my plan, present it to God to get His rubber stamp
“OK,” and then carry it out. If I thought what He wanted me to do was obvious,
I just did it. If I thought He wouldn’t
be real keen on my plan, I just didn’t mention it to Him.
It was during the execution of one of those unmentionable things
that I first heard that still, small voice, clear as day. It reminded me of the one time my grandfather corrected
me. I knew he loved me unconditionally, but His corrective words made me wither
in shame. That’s when I learned that I didn’t have to tell Him my plan in order
for Him to know what I was doing. Still, I thought I shouldn’t bother Him with
things I could do on my own.
I will never forget the night, years after that corrective voice, when I went to
Him to confess that there was nothing I could do about the mess I
was in, and apologetically asked for His assistance. The next morning, though
nothing in my reality had changed, I had the “peace that passes understanding.” I knew that things would work out somehow,
and they did. I also internalized the meaning of those four words from that fun
old song.
It was still a long time before I really understood that God wants us to bring everything to Him first. He isn't like a school teacher who encourages students to work on problems alone before bothering her and seeking assistance. Standing on your own and trying to be independent is the opposite of what God wants from us!
More later, but in the meantime, take care of yourself by looking
for the God Things in your life – you might be surprised to see how much God
cares about you!
