I Get it Now
Everyone who is called by my
name, whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made – Isaiah 43:7
May the words of my mouth and
the mediation of my heart be pleasing in
your sight O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Psalm 19:14
I
spent a number of years after developing a close relationship with Christ
wondering what He wanted me to do
with my life. I bought books on it, I prayed. As a goal-oriented person, it was
important to me to identify what I was supposed to do so that I could do it
right. I hoped to get a clear message,
preferably on the side of the Goodyear blimp, but that didn’t happen. When I read these verses it became clear: I am here to glorify and please God. That’s the goal! We do that, and we’ve won. Guess I could have
skipped those aptitude tests.
As
easy as it sounds, life can certainly make glorifying and pleasing God hard to
do. You know that overused saying, “God never gives you more than you can
handle?” How infuriatingly banal. For
years I responded to that phrase saying “I wished He didn’t think so highly of
me!” You see, I am divorced, have an estranged son, grandchildren I’ve never
met and have survived ovarian cancer. In addition, I am living with Multiple
Sclerosis, and as of January 2012 am officially classified as disabled. The
world says I have earned a double serving of angry and bitter.
We
all know people who live their lives being unpleasant, bitter, spiteful and
such. It seems to be more common today
than ever, something about only ‘being human.’
Well, I’m human, but it seems logical that poor attitudes don’t align
with my goal to glorify and please God.
It
is perfectly natural to become bitter
when faced with a society that can’t really accommodate your limitations. If your energy is limited, you are not able
to attend evening functions. That means missing out on small groups, choir
practice and any other events that would provide fellowship because they take
place when the majority of people can
utilize them – at night. Being unique is good, but it hurts that my differences
keep me so far out of the majority.
Another
source of bitterness can be government and non-profit assistance agencies. While on the surface there are lots of
programs available to assist the disabled, it seems they are all designed to
serve as few people as possible. It is
understandable that measures have been developed because of abuses, but that
really means the disabled person is given a hard time when times are already
hard. On average, a person can expect a three year fight to gain access to earned Social Security Disability
benefits. I have an MS friend whose battle was five years long. As for me, the
first time I applied, the attorney I sought out after the expected decline
after the standard six-month wait told me I’d be turned down no matter what
because I was too young, so I kept trying to work for eight more years. As for
other assistance, I didn’t jump through enough of the unmarked hoops to get
government assistance when I was facing eviction, and they paid a quarter of my
gas bill when I was facing shut off for that utility before Social Security was
approved. I do get $16 a month in food assistance.
The death of dreams is the bitterest pill. Dreams die hard for everyone, but for the
disabled, the dreams that die can include the chance for marriage or love, a
stimulating career, travel, living independently or caring for others. Add to that the isolation that is a part of
being physically limited and the disabled person can have a lot of time to stew
in bitter juices. What else should be expected?
Glorify
God and bring Him pleasure. As a child of God, that’s what I’m here to do. Do I glorify God more by complaining that I
can’t attend evening functions, or by trying to establish a Saturday morning
small group? Should I be unpleasant when
dealing with the agencies that seem offended by my calls, or should I pray that
I can be a beacon for the person with whom I am interacting? Is it better for
me to just sit alone with my thoughts, or try to brighten someone’s day through
a blog? Should I let my dead dreams
prevent me from praying for people when I’m stuck in bed for days on end?
Remember
that banal statement? Over the years, my fury has given way to understanding
that God just trusts that I will run to Him for assistance more quickly. I’ve
also learned that phrase is not biblical – God will never give me more than He
and I can handle.
This
world is going to knock us all around a bit, and it can be hard to
remember why we’re here. When we choose to glorify God and bring Him pleasure,
we do what we are here to do, and everybody wins.
